As I mentioned in my previous post, I am done with my midterms. Though technically there were only two papers – Sociology (LIB101) and Introduction to Media and Communication (COM167). The lecturers will decide when to conduct midterms for the rest of the subjects.
My LIB101 lecturer won’t give us our Sociology marks back until before finals, but Alhamdulillah I got 39/40 for COM167. Apparently, people were expecting me to get the highest. I have no idea why. I think I do well in roleplay and public speaking, but I don’t think I showed many signs of being a person who would be smart on paper.
I think it’s safe to say certain people consider me to be a budak pandai now. Unless I get a CGPA of 4.0, I don’t dare to consider myself anything. Plus… it just feels weird. I haven’t felt like a budak pandai since Year 6. In fact, even in Year 6 I only felt superior to students from other classes whom I seldom interacted with. In my own class, 6 Rajin, I just felt averagely average. Kalau waktu sekolah menengah tak payah cerita lah.
But I have never in my life interacted with people outside the budak pandai circle. Or at least, what our general society deems to be budak pandai. In my opinion, a budak pandai is somebody who gets straight A’s or 1B lah paling teruk. But apparently a 6A student yang lemah dan hina dan segan nak jumpa cikgu like me is already considered a budak yang gila pandai to certain circles.
I just honestly feel so shocked when people say things like…
“Sampai Darjah 3 aku asyik fail Maths, nasib ada sorang cikgu ni tolong aku…”
“Entahlah ada budak sekolah aku dapat straight A ke tak. Ada kot yang dapat 7A…”
“Subjek-subjek sains kau B dengan C, kau kata hancur? Okay lah tu! At least dapat credit!”
WHAT EVEN IS A ‘CREDIT’??? Serious question. I honestly don’t know – is it a D, E, or F? Is there a G for SPM?
At times I have to act all cool when people tell me facts like they got 3A’s for PMR, as if all my friends got 3A’s for PMR. Setahu aku, kalau dapat 5A pun dah sepatutnya dah nangis sebulan.
But I suppose 99.5% of people in my circle just don’t study courses like Mass Comm. …or they don’t have the courage or support to do so.
Therefore, I am now unlearning all the perceptions I had of academics that I had before, and I am trying my best not to be a snobbish, judgemental human being because not everybody is born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
I’m happy I got 6A’s. Alhamdulillah. If I got say, straight A’s, I might have been sponsored by some fancy company to do a degree in some fancy science-y course in some fancy country. And I might be crying an ocean right now because of Calculus or Advanced Chemistry or whatever. I know people who got excellent results for SPM, and they’re now in their budak pandai programs in their budak pandai universities. But they are unhappy and stressed all the time, they want to call it quits.
So, really, whether your SPM results are considered rezeki or not, is highly subjective. People will look up to your results. People will look down on your results. But what people think only lasts for so long. Even no A’s can be a blessing.
Dad says I should get nothing less than Top Student, and that my competitors aren’t at UiTM, they are at KYUEM. INTEC. KMB. KMS. And that I must try my absolute best to do my degree overseas.
We’ll see, we’ll see.