An Open Warning To Tweens on Social Media

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

To all social media users under the age of sixteen (or those whose mental age is under sixteen), do yourself a favour and opt for either a) not using your real/full name or b) make all your accounts private. Because one day you will grow up and realise what a sad, immature, horrifying tween you were. Note that I am not saying you shouldn’t be sad slash immature slash horrifying – because frankly, everyone goes through it at some point. It’s inevitable. But some people were fortunate enough to not make fools of themselves on the internet (“omg xD the science teacher accidentally said a dirty wORD!!! xDxD soooo fUNNY!”) when they were twelve, because the INTERNET DID NOT EXIST! Today, every two-year-old and their Instafamous young mother have their hands on an iPad.

Fortunately, some wedding makeup artist with the same first and second name as me decided to get famous. So you won’t find badly-edited pictures of eleven-year-old me full of heart stickers. Instead, you’ll find a thousand akad nikah photos.

But not everyone is going to be that lucky! Especially if you have a distinguishable name! So take care. I don’t think I need to get on the topics of inappropriate photos, insulting authority figures, and cyberbullying. ‘Cause I have seen my fair share of the bad side of the internet, but some of those people now have genuinely good hearts, but sometimes the world wide web doesn’t let them forget.

But anyway, I went through my Facebook feed from 2009 (age 12) to 2011 (age 14) and found some interesting gems. I’m talking to you, Jaden Smith.

Lol who am I kidding, Jaden Smith is obviously cooler than I was when I was his age.

“I am secretly waiting for someone to step on my specs just so that I can get new ones.”

“Never watch Nat Geo, or you will be paranoid to do anything.”

“Nasuha wasn’t amused when I improved her synopsis of Deathly Hallows in her Buku Nilam. Well, I wasn’t impressed by it at all, especially when she just copied the first paragraph of behind the book cover.”

“Apparently there are 14 year olds who take 2 minutes to figure out what 90 divided by 2 is, or attempt to use a calculator.”

“Pernahkah awak rasa seperti beg plastik?”

“Best friends are the people who tell you they’re brb-ing to poop.”

“Before I even reached the counter, the kakak kantin said “French fries takde harini”. You know me well!”

“Peperiksaan bukan satu masalah, tetapi satu peluang. Peperiksaan bukan satu beban, tetapi satu anugerah. Peperiksaan bukan satu mimpi ngeri, tetapi pintu hari esok. Kalau takde UPSR, aku takkan dapat laptop dgn iPod.”

“There’s a place called Sialkot in Pakistan.”

“Has forgotten every single thing about karangan, tatabahasa, calculations, grammar and science. (a month after UPSR).”

“So many CULLENS…”

“UPSR is just like any other exam. People just make a big deal about it.”

“I FOUND MY CAMERAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I CAN GO TO MALAM AMAL, GET MY RESULTS AND GO TO HARI ANUGERAH WITH A CAMERA AFTER ALL!”

“Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs all quit school and look how successful they are now. Clearly, this is a sign.”

P.S. Now, I’d like to be known as Arifah Badli, thanks.

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