long live the walls we crashed through.

The last month and a half or so of school was definitely the best. The photos I took are horribly superficial compared to the memories I made in MRSM Alor Gajah. Memories I will treasure like diamonds and pearls until the day I die. Probably someday we will forget the names of our own classmates. Forget that our one particular roommate really loved Nutella or would insist on sweeping every inch of the room. Forget the excitement of hearing the words ‘chicken chop’ (for the DS dinner menu that day). Forget watching the star-sprinkled sky on Saturday nights. Forget the thrill of challenging the wrath of wardens when causing chaos. Forget that time a teacher made us interrupt a senior class’ lesson to yell “KAMI MENGAKU KELAS KAMI KOTOR” in front of them, for not tidying up the class. Forget the moment we got released from the hall after our last SPM paper and truly feeling the weight and burden of studying being lifted off our shoulders. 
 
We will forget. Eventually. These moments will just be stories someday.
 
But it’s comforting to know that these moments were real. They were solid. They happened. And if you don’t believe me you can ask the green trees and the vandalised walls and the vast brilliant sky because they bore witness to these moments.
It’s been almost a week. It’s been almost a week, and not a single day has passed me by without dreaming of the maktab. Of my friends. Sometimes my family members catch me smiling to myself. Sebab teringat gelagat kawan-kawan aku kat maktab. Then I remember that those days are no more. 
 
Kalau aku kata aku tak takut untuk balik rumah maksudnya aku menipu. 
 
Di maktab diriku sangatlah terjaga. Solat berjemaah, Qur’an tak tinggal, setiap hari baca Asmaul Husna, pakai stokin, pakai handsocks, sering ada tazkirah, makan makanan yang berkhasiat (lah jugak), perempuan lelaki tak bergaul bebas (kalau nak bandingkan dengan Subang lah).
 
Mampukah aku maintain? Mampukah aku memberi hujah yang munasabah apabila orang mempersoalkan prinsip-prinsip aku? Ataupun beberapa bulan lagi aku akan kembali kepada perangai jahiliah aku? Mohon dijauhkan sejauh-jauhnya. 
Please. I never want to go back to the girl I was before last year. 
 
I’ve said goodbye many times in my life. This is just another one. 
 
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